Since Amaro is here, everything is different than I expected.

He is a high needs baby. Intense, sensitive, always seeking closeness and calm.

I didn’t know this existed.

No sleep. That takes a lot. From my body, my mind, my heart.

I am confronting myself in ways I never knew before.

Literally the hardest thing I have ever done.

At the same time, I feel a love that goes beyond words. So deep, so pure. I didn’t know my heart could carry so much.

What sometimes feels difficult is that we live in a world that is not attuned to this. There is no longer community,

no rhythm that allows slowing down.

No space to truly experience everything of your child…

Also, a child is not made to be raised alone and a mother not to carry everything alone.

Still I feel: this is the path I always wanted. The man of my life, children and grandchildren.

To have them close to me for as long as possible.

Slowing down, feeling, connecting. Not perfect, but real. And in that lies the sparkle that gives me courage

every day to keep going, because the childhood years of your child can never return…